- "I'm a slasher and I must be stopped."
- ―Simon to Nicholas Angel
Simon "Sissy" Skinner is the manager of Sandford's supermarket, Somerfield. He is a member of the Neighbourhood Watch Alliance and has won several trophies for fun-running events. During Nicholas Angel's investigation, he was the prime suspect of the "accidents" which had been frequent in Sandford.
- In the newspaper, it is revealed that he had a brother, Stephen.
- It is also revealed that his father was Edward Skinner and his mother's maiden name was Rites.
- Leslie Tiller was his cousin.
- He used to study ballet when he was growing up.